Психология

Как превратить мужа в супермена

Одна из частых причин распада семей в Украине – слабость, инфантилизм мужчин, их неспособность брать на себя ответственность и решать важные жизненные проблемы. У женщины, которая тянет всё сама, возникает резонный вопрос: а зачем тогда муж?

Почему некоторые мальчики застревают в детстве до самой старости и можно ли изменить в муже те качества, которые мешают счастью семьи?

ОТКУДА БЕРУТСЯ  «ВЕЧНЫЕ МАЛЬЧИКИ»?

* Все мы родом из детства, и от ошибок родителей страдают повзрослевшие мужчины. «Мамино воспитание!» – как часто звучит такая фраза с привкусом осуждения. Родительницы, чрезмерно опекающие своё чадо, вырабатывают у сына привычку поступать только так, как хочет мама, всегда спрашивать у неё разрешения или совета. Так воспитывается пассивный человек, привыкший, что за него всё решают другие.
* Воспитатели в детском саду, строгие учителя и просто «доброжелательные» дяди и тёти, делающие замечания мальчику, – сколько их, желающих внести свою лепту в дело воспитания «настоящего мужика»! На самом деле обидным словом и грубым одёргиванием каждый из них забивает свой гвоздь в ящик, где будет томиться душа взрослого мужчины, не наученного быть сильным, не знающего себе цены.
* «Крутые» друзья, до которых недотягивает мальчик по каким-то показателям, продолжают формирование его неуверенности в себе. Желая «соответствовать», он неумело подражает им внешне: ругается, выпивает, курит… Но несвобода внутри никуда не девается.
* Девочки, насмехающиеся над незадачливым кавалером, вносят свою лепту в формирование слабого мужчины. Он замыкается в себе или, ещё хуже, становится откровенным хамом. Если всё-таки страх и неуверенность от женского присутствия отступают перед желанием иметь семью, в большинстве случаев женой такого «мальчика» становится дама определённого психологического типа: сильная по характеру, даже властная, готовая при этом опекать своего мужа. Однако быть нянькой ей вскоре надоедает. Жена начинает требовать от мужа самостоятельности, решительности – того, на что он не способен в принципе…

Как помочь мужу измениться: ТРИ ЖЕНСКИХ СЕКРЕТА
Известно, что потребности у мужчин и у женщин разные. Главное, в чём нуждается жена, – любовь. А для мужа очень важно уважение к нему. Эмоциональность и развитая интуиция – качества, в большей степени присущие женщинам, – в сочетании с житейской мудростью творят чудеса!

Секрет первый
А ты не лётчик! А я была так рада любить героя!
Допустим, вам вдруг окончательно стало ясно, что ваш муж не Бэтмен. Не расстраивайтесь! Это поправимо! И первое, что придётся сделать вам как жене, – вспомнить, за что вы полюбили этого человека. Ведь ваши отношения начались с чего-то приятного, почему-то вы выделили из толпы поклонников именно этого мужчину! Отметьте лучшие качества супруга и постарайтесь впредь поступать так: берём бинокль и на достоинства мужа смотрим «на увеличение», а на недостатки… ну, вы понимаете. В общем, делайте вид, что их нет!
Убедив в этом саму себя, вы сможете стать снисходительнее к мужу, а вскоре научитесь видеть его успехи и достижения, радоваться им. Так и сможете поверить, что вышли замуж за героя. И что самое удивительное, ваш муж сам захочет им быть и станет прилагать к этому усилия! Эту мысль хорошо иллюстрируют слова писателя Михаила Пришвина, адресованные жене: «Тот человек, которого ты любишь во мне, конечно, лучше меня: я не такой. Но ты люби, и я постараюсь быть лучше себя».

Секрет второй
Не лишать мужа права быть мужчиной
Чтобы сразу стало ясно, о чём идёт речь, давайте вспомним сцену из всеми любимой комедии «Бриллиантовая рука», когда семья Семён Семёныча Горбункова провожает его в путешествие. Помните, на все вопросы, которые ему задают, бойко отвечает жена, а сам «турист» лишь мямлит что-то несуразное. Как выясняется после, герой способен проявлять героизм и умеет принимать неожиданные решения. Но в семье Семён Семёныч остаётся на вторых ролях: жена не оставляет ему других вариантов…

Кстати, женщины в этом фильме – отдельная тема! Чего стоит управдомша в исполнении Нонны Мордюковой! (Интересно, есть ли у этой дамы муж? И если есть, дано ли ему вообще право голоса?)

Итак, дорогие жёны, если вы узнали себя в этой ситуации, пересмотрите своё отношение к мужу! Оставьте мужчине право, выслушав ваше мнение и мнения других членов семьи, принять окончательное решение самому и этим поставить точку в любом вопросе. Так вы не просто проявите к супругу уважение – благодаря вам он будет понимать свою значимость. Его статус главы семьи укрепится, будет расти его уверенность в себе и умение принимать самостоятельные решения.

Секрет третий
Быть ЗА мужем
Самое сложное для инициативных, активных суперженщин – стать в правильное положение, предназначенное жене, и неслучайно называемое ЗАмужем. Это совет для бизнес-леди, глав предприятий и компаний, педагогов и тренеров – то есть для всех женщин, «власть имеющих». Невольно такие дамы переносят стиль общения с людьми на работе в свою семью.
Если уж мы вспомнили киногероев, давайте ещё раз сделаем это. Помните, как Катя из фильма «Москва слезам не верит» только раз включила директорские нотки, обращаясь к мужчине, которого, по её словам, «искала всю жизнь», – и чуть не потеряла навсегда!

Чтобы оставаться не только замужем, но и быть счастливой, позвольте мужу быть главой семьи – и наслаждайтесь «второй ролью» там, где это и положено, – в вашем мирном, уютном семейном гнёздышке!

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